Sunday, January 18, 2009

"You've Got A Friend" ... or do you?


I have noticed over time that people come into our lives IRL or on-line and we develop friendships. Then there comes a time when that friendship ends. Sometimes you are aware of the reason, sometimes you wonder what happened.

This has happened to me recently and I've been wondering why. For me what hurts the most is when the other person just stops communicating and I'm left with all sorts of scenarios running through my warped mind. Sigh. I know, Kalola's on a downer again.

I realize this happens to lots of people. I wonder how people get beyond the loss of a friendship. What helped you?

I would welcome your insights. In the meantime, I will ponder this:

Lillian Rubin in her book Just Friends says, "Thus generally it's true that friends accept each other so long as they both remain essentially the same as they were when they met, or change in similar directions. If they change or grow in different or incompatible ways, the friendship most likely will be lost."

Regardless of why, when, or how friendships end, there is always some pain of loss to assimilate. When nothing can be done to mend the friendship, it is important to grieve and feel the pain fully. Then move on to enhance another friendship or build entirely new friendships.

5 comments:

Sanford said...

That was a very interesting quote -- thanks your sharing it.

Amy said...

I think for me, it is what your quote says. People grow in different directions or their lives become busier or change. It isn't always a reflection on us personally, just something they need to go through. Good friendships will stand the test of time or be reestablished later. But there are always people out in the world who need love and friendship. It is better to touch the lives of many with love than to consume one's life trying to please few. Keep spreading those wings, Carol and you'll find another person to love and who will love you. Just remember to be yourself not what you think others want you to be.

Kalola said...

Sanford ~ Thank you for appreciating the quote.

Amy ~ You always uplift me with your kind words and insight. Thank you so much.

Eagle Heart (from BWS) said...

Losing friendships without ever knowing why has been a source of grief my entire life. When I make a friend, in my head and heart, it's "forever". It wasn't until my late 40's that I finally understood and accepted that there's an ebb and flow to friendships. The problem is, they've all ebbed AWAY over the past few years, through a mix of several moves, life changes (like grandchildren I love to play with) and admittedly a few grief-spurred hibernations on my part...and in a new city at my age, it's difficult to find any friendships flowing IN.

Knowing the "why" of lost friendships is important to me so that I can learn and not make the same mistakes. But since the "why's" are not forthcoming, I have to trust that God brings the right people into our lives when we need them and takes them elsewhere when they're needed elsewhere. That's a "why" I can live with. It's all I have.

I enjoy your blog! Thanks for sharing your life and light.

Kalola said...

Eagle Heart ~ I am so happy that I met you through BWS. Your insights help me so much. And thank you for your kind words and coming to my blog. Blessings to you.