Saturday, December 25, 2010

On the Outside Looking In

I’m on the outside looking in at LDS forums. I have noticed over the years that unless you were brought up in the church, went on a mission, married in the temple and have a current temple recommend, you just do not belong to the “club.” I did not feel this way when I was a new convert. DH and I were quite active in the church back in Queens, NY. It didn’t matter that we did not fit the mold. Most of the members in the ward we attended were converts.

I’ve tried to find a home at various LDS forums, but there is no place for me. So I’ve pretty much decided to remain in the shadows. Besides, no one will even notice I’m gone. When you’re not part of the inner circle, you just don’t matter.


Momza said...

HI there,
I just came across your blog this morning. You express yourself well and describe your self with many adjectives--lol.

I'm a convert to the LDS faith too. I joined when I was 16. I married a lifelong member that had no testimony at all, and after 14 yrs of marriage, I divorced him. Not because of his lack of faith, but because he was an all around jerk.
I remarried a convert. He isn't a returned missionary, but he has a testimony and he's a great husband and father.
I am in a Stake that has many "key" members in it--the ones that are always asked to do nearly everything. I attribute that to the fact that they are loaded financially and have the time and means to donate whatever is needed.
I admit my feelings get hurt from time to time, but then I reel myself back in by remembering I'm not a member of the LDS Church because of the people in it--I'm a member because the Gospel is True.
I serve where I am called to serve, and give where I can give because it makes me HAPPY doing so.
It is called The Plan of Happiness...and the blessings that come from living it are why I go back every week. Not the people.
The people are no more perfect than I am. And to create a ripple in the lives of others, you have to put your toe in their lives. Otherwise, you're right, you won't be missed. Take your place, dear sister, in the Gospel. There is much joy to be found.

Kalola said...

Momza ~ Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. May God bless you.

michelle said...

If it's any consolation, I was born and raised in the Church, as 'typical Mormon' as can be, and I often don't feel I fit in in online forums. ;) The online world is not always a good place to gauge your 'place.'

I think many people have a struggle finding and feeling a part of things. I can't attend my ward right now because of health problems (can't do mornings and so I attend a different ward). I was just thinking tonite that if I didn't have a testimony, I probably wouldn't attend church, because it's hard to go alone, to be away from my family, to not feel connected with the people in my ward, to not have the new people who have moved in know me, etc.

But I do have a testimony. As Momza said, ultimately I think having 'a place' is coming to feel and know in our hearts that the gospel is real and true.

Anyway, just wanted to say in my own way that you aren't so alone in feeling out of place sometimes. Hang in there.